I have seen a lot of unhappiness in relationships lately. What is it that makes so many of us suffer in their relationships or in their quest for a good partner?

What we see in Family Constellations is that when we are in a relationship we are in a relationship with our whole field. This field that we bring in our relationships is all our experiences of former relationships. Not only our own experiences in relationships, but also those of our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, our great-great-grandparents and so on.

What does this mean for our pain in our relationships or our quest?

Last weekend during one of our workshops we saw how painful it was that 2 partners could not get closer to each other. They were quite literally occupied by the emotional entanglements from their families of origin. To realize that our actual relationship stress results from reliving old family wounds is a first step to our healing.  However we often stick to blaming each other or our selves and don’t make any progress. We feel lousy and see no way out.

The light at the end of the tunnel comes when we can inwardly accept this situation and these feelings. Maybe we can somehow recognize these feelings as events from the past. Family Constellations can help us with this. It can create room for a deep sense of trust that everything has got its reason. For instance our living through the karma of our family.

From this renewed peace arises renewed selfconfidence and abilty to connect to each other. Knowing that the other is just as stuck or even more stuck than you. Knowing that the complaints about you are not really about you.

Knowing that you can be together in the moment without having to dissolve the pain that’s inside of you. Knowing that you can enjoy each others company while each of you is carrying his own pain. This is about growing up and about real love. Both of you with enough distance to really see and love each other.

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